Sentimentality

I’m not really one for scrapbooking, per se. It seems like a lot of cutting out flowers and bears, and I’m just not quite that crafty. But, I am into saving memories. I’m very nostalgic and very sentimental. In fact, as I approach my 30th birthday and Soren’s 1st this fall, I am over-the-top nostalgic and sentimental!

When my Uncle Mike (Mom’s bro) – who always hung out with us when we were little - turned 30, I remember crying at the birthday party because I thought 30 was so old that it meant he was going to die soon. Ha ha! Oh my goodness – I’m turning 30 tomorrow!!! On the other hand, my age will finally match my personality. I think I was born 30 in other ways. I’ve always liked talking with older people and felt more comfortable around adults than kids (even as a kid). I’ve always loved MCL, crossword puzzles, studying foreign languages, playing Canasta and Kings-on-the-corner, baking bread, eating brussel spouts and lima beans, playing out of my hymnals, driving around just to look at Christmas lights, and I’ve always been obsessed with typewriters. (All right, so some of those make me sound more like a 75 year old.) Regardless, these aren’t things that kids typically do.

I don’t know if anyone has ever asked you what your oldest memory is, but whenever I’ve been asked, the first that comes to mind is writing my “Goodbye” letters. The first I remember is from my 8th birthday. I had written my “Goodbye 7” letter. As long as I can remember, this melancholy soul has struggled with birthdays. I always cry at the passing of time and the sense of grief and loss that marking time at all brings. I also always write a letter to reflect on the year prior. This has been almost 23 years of letters – I’ve missed a year or two here or there. I kinda wish we didn’t mark time at all. Yes, I know I have much to celebrate – a beautiful family and remarkable friends – but, I feel like I’m getting 2 lines in between my eyebrows and my hands look a little bit older and I’d rather not be aware that as I age, so does my husband, and so do my parents, siblings, children, etc.

So, here it is, not the best way to start reflecting, but…

God has been so faithful to me. I have not been deserted... ever. Lord, thank you for the past year. I’ve seen you in new ways, most specifically through the birth of Soren and the bond that Jeff and I share in her life and our life together. Thank you for the celebration of life with our families. What a tremendous gift to have such beautiful family. Thank you that most of my conversations with friends end with "I love you". What a tremendous blessing. My twenties (ugh!) were amazing and I feel that I know less than ever and that makes me thankful. Lord, foster in me the sense that I don’t have to be right and that I’m willing to consider my paths and willing to be rebuked. I watch folks, especially during the time of the election, who are so sure that they are right. I know that only You are right and the best the rest of us can do is to pray for enlightenment and be open-minded to what you may have. You surprise me. You move me. I pray to be continually aware of Your touch on our lives. Thank you for the gift of another year…