Soren, sweet sweet Soren,

I’ve mentioned this before on this blog, but I become very melancholy on birthday eves. I always was this way on my own birthday eve, but now I have just become that way on yours instead. Daddy was at small group tonight, Joseph was already asleep, and you and I were left to our selves to read. I savored every moment (well, almost every moment – there were a few where you were hemming and hawing around about what to wear to bed, stalling to read “just one more book”, and once you – the little hyper-bumble bee - kicked me while I was changing you into your pajamas…). I digress. The point is, I was savoring you! I was holding back the tears that were just about to leak out of my eyes – like little glasses of soda that someone overfilled just hoping the fizz wouldn’t bubble over. There was a sob stuck somewhere in my throat that was just waiting to come out. Should you have said just one more cute thing, I would’ve spiraled out of control. It would’ve been a cry like Diane Keaton in “Something’s Gotta Give.” I’m often on the edge, darling.

Time out… I just heard a big bang upstairs… I’m back, you were messing around in your room even though it’s supposed to be sleeping-time. Did I mention I’m savoring you???

Tonight is the last night that you are 2. Tomorrow is your third birthday. 3 seems like a kid. 2 seems like a baby. To me, this seems like a big jump. For me, that is. I’m now the mother of a kid! I thought 1 to 2 was a huge jump and friends told me that I should just wait until 2 to 3. I agree – you have gone from a baby to a kid in what seems like no time at all. You are brilliant sweet pea! You are witty, kind, fun, willing to try new things, social. You seem to be a natural leader – always quick to take some little friend’s hand and include them. You are free as a bird – constantly singing and dancing. Though you’ve always loved our arts and crafts times, we recently got rid of our TV which has given you an even stronger desire to create. You entertained yourself for hours today coloring, painting, and reading books. You are expressive and emotional – sometimes this comes out as you have such a deep empathy for the sad characters in your books or you worry if Joseph is crying; other times it means that the knot in your shoelace will unravel you. For better or worse, I see myself in you – and have since you were born – you experience highs and lows to the extreme. Your brother is the stoic. If I did not have another child by which to compare, I would not have realized how much this pendulum of emotion swings for you. I pray God would use it for the good of His kingdom, for the good in your life and in others’ lives. I pray it would be a doorway to your huge heart.

Soren, I have the great privilege of being your mother. You were given to me for this time to raise and I feel great joy and also great responsibility. You are the apple of your daddy’s eye, the pride and joy of your grandparents, the example for your little brother. I want everyone to see that I’m savoring my moments with you, that I’m trying my darndest, that I’m enjoying you. I want them to know so that there is no question that I take this joy and responsibility seriously.

Soren, sometimes things are left unsaid. People just assume that their parents know how appreciated they are, that their children know how cherished they are, that their friends and family know how valued they are. I learned from my family that this assumption is bunk. I’m saying it so it not just be implied. Your daddy is doing the same. If people say we’re serious, sober, and over-analyzers, then they’re right – that’s very much a part of who we are and we accept that. Let it be said that we don’t let these moments to tell you our true feelings pass by without acknowledgement. You are chosen. You are beautiful. I love you, my little angel.